Sunday, October 9, 2016

a sahm vs working mom.

would you rather be a working mom or a stay at home mom?
honestly, i am in between. though i am now can be considered as a sahm.
but i wouldn't really say that i am fully enjoying it but
i do sometimes miss the working life.

and there are times that i actually kind regret that i quit my job.
i love what i do. but i just hate the timing. the environment?
is a so so lah. lets be honest, you can't have both right?
it's either your job is making you want to leave it or your colleagues/bosses.

me? i quit because i hate working shift hours. main reason at first.
the first few years was such an experience to me.
it was kinda fun. to be different from others time. it really does if you wonder?
my shift was a rotating 12hours base. so its either the whole day
or the whole night. and of cause its on one of your weekend too.

i took the job at first is because i was so jobless and getting fed up when people
around me keep asking the same *bleeping* question. ooops! i should not curse right?
haha. even my husband who was then my boyfriend too is asking the same.
plus its kinda embarrassing too when you are meeting all your friends
who at that time with a job already. so when you sitting in a table with them
all what they can chat is about new things at work. well who can blame them?
i would pretty sure will do the same.

another reason i quit my job is that my husband got the opportunity to work here
in my hometown in Seremban. which where currently we resided in now.
its like a dream come true for me. to quit my ridiculous not happy work timing
and to be back in Seremban. we had that talk actually. where i kept asking my husband
if can just quit my job, looking after our kids and leisuring around at home.

but human will never be satisfied right? there will always that feeling non content
surf up in their heart. same with mine. to be honest, so many times i will
feel not content, useless or feeling really disable just because i am not making my
own cash. even a single cent. i miss those time where i can shops online
casually without having to think whether my money is insufficient or otherwise.

it's not that i hate being a sahm now. but some words from another people
can really hurt me now. even from the people i love. the one who is closest to me.
it is true then, money is everything. it's brings happiness. sadness. sorrows.and what not?
just like i read somewhere saying that if money can't buy happiness
please transfer it to my bank account. haha. seriously guys? do you really think
that money can't buy happiness? it can if we are living in a jungle.
where you doesn't need to buy food, clothes, etc.

i always wonder, what it would be like if i am still working. i mean the shift hours.
maybe i should be looking for a job now. so that i can feel something again.
but do i really need to? if you have a choice, which one would you pick?
to be a working mom or a stay at home mom?

there are pros and cons. of cause right? to me i love being a sahm.
to watch and take care of my son is what i cherish the most. i get to see and be with him
every seconds of my life. and his life. i don't have to left him for work with a lots
amount of anxiety whether he will be in a good hands or otherwise.
to watch him do everything that a baby will do for the first time of his life
is a money can't buy experience to me. everything about him is everything to me.
to me he is my life and to him i was his life. we depends on each other way too much.
just the thought of losing him will be my own worst nightmare.

the other side of it is that i don't get the me alone time. ie i can't use the restroom in peace.
i can't eat without choking my food. or i can't even read a book. let alone writing this post.
that was when he is still a baby lah. now that he is a year and a half, i can say that
he can finally let go of me slowly. which i kinda hate it. its like he is big now
and doesn't need me. i know that it will come to the point where he will be embarrassed
to be seen with me. that one fine day he might want to hang around with his friend.
and i have to let him. but would it be hard to me? to let him grow up?
ahhh i can't shake the feelings of him growing up. just like i am. being a mom and
he being a dad. haha. deng! what is wrong with me? do every mom feels that way?

so, i am in between. there are parts of me that i am so glad i quit my job
and another part kinda regret it. so if you have to choose,
which one it will be? a sahm or a working mom?

answer with careful thoughts! haha :P

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