another wake me up when september ends!

i did this a lot. esp on twitter! or on instagram. september only comes once in a year? and there is a song related to it. so why not? hahaha 
yesterday i dreamt of going back to work
all this while i was just on leave. that kind of feelings you have. like monday blues
it was so unpleasant! i forgot almost everything. its like im rusty or something.
do i don't want to be working anymore that much? haha

i miss working to be honest. its kinda somewhat embarrassing when my husband
answered that 'no shes not working!' can you at least add 'anymore!' to that sentence?
i do feel useless sometimes. i want to be working. i love what i did on my previous job
the environment is good. just the timing! if only the timing is normal hours like everyone else
i would still be working i guess

but to look i thoroughly i believe its what Allah had plan for me right?
HE is the best planner after all. but biasalah, manusia kan tak pernah puas.
and so ungrateful. so which of the favors of ye lords wud u deny? astaghfirullah!

eh eh. so leka of me typing i just realized that my son hasn't be bathed yet!
i find it hard to give him a bath right now! keeps on saying 'tanak' every time i ask him to 
maybe i shud complain less and do more right?
complaining is not good. bersyukur kepada yg Esa selalu lagi baik kan?
hahaha ok later guys! ka ciao! :P

been almost a year with no new post.

hahaha. well i can just laugh when typing the title above! *winking*
seems like my new resolution to write more post seems not working
me being busy? hmm not so now. cos i can pretty sure that el can play alone now
as long as he can see me of cos! hahaha i guess that is just in me after all
that word is pemalas. lazy bum! *tounge out*

i gained ok! so much! not dat much la but from 52kg to 55-56kg is something right?
haha. i like to eat i guess. well who doesn't right? given all the food now are so delicious
yet are unhealthy. just last week i had a dip n dip session with my lil family and my eldest sister
that will be my first and my last of cos! haha my son? deng he loved it so much
me? feel loya already. after 4 kali suap of the waffle in bites. haha

so now im sort of dah insaf. and will start on my diet. hahaha
will it lasts? not sure. i done this a lot. last time i diet my weight stays 
fluctuate between 51-52kg. if can i want it to stays around 49-50kg
im doing smoothies diet now. main ingredients are dragon fruit and apples
will try and do more. its kinda tasty actually

so we will see if these two things i can do! haha
one is to write more posts on this blog. and the other one is to go on a strict diet
smoothies diet! hehe

ciao guys! im out. maybe another post today? hikhik

el food diary.

i was taught by my mom that junk food is a big no no!
i still remember she will say "too much colouring in this food. tak boleh makan!"
i am so glad my mom taught me like that because that is how i am now
towards my son's diet. i am really careful of what he eats.
if it is a home made, i would not that reluctant to let him eat it.
but if someone else made it, i would think twice.

but it's actually hard sticking to the plan. because there will be somebody else
feeding him with a food that i think is still not suitable for his baby stomach.
that is always how i am going to see him forever! haha. a baby. my baby!

i will try hard to not let him enjoy junk food or processed food.
but sometimes i did overlook and fed him with almost everything that adults eats.
my method is "jangan ajar dia, biar dia sendiri makan or beli bila dia dah besar nanti"
but it doesn't mean i will let him that easy. of cause i will get mad and told him not to.
i keep on saying that to my husband. so i hope he wont forget it.
and please do respect me. he is my son. if i wont let him eat it
please do not proceed to feed him. is that really hard to understand?

i hate it when it comes to the matter of my son. i am a protective mom after all.
well who wouldn't? i made him. i am the one bearing all the pain.
the pregnancy sickness. i was nauseated and throwing up for almost 6 months.
carried him for 10months. the process of delivering him took almost 36hours.
failed normal, failed vacuum and proceed to csect. the stitches. the scar.
so i guess i have every rights to be that protective. or be mad.
and to raise him with my way. should anyone not like it, please stay away.
it wont hurt you pun!

so after this, if i have the time. i will share what i have cooked for my dearie son
or what i will prepare next. i always search for simple recipes but healthy for him.
to let him have all the nutrients and vitamins.
to get him familiar with eating healthy and clean.

this will be called El Food Diary. as per the title.
till then everyone. if i have the time only.
peace yo! (=

a sahm vs working mom.

would you rather be a working mom or a stay at home mom?
honestly, i am in between. though i am now can be considered as a sahm.
but i wouldn't really say that i am fully enjoying it but
i do sometimes miss the working life.

and there are times that i actually kind regret that i quit my job.
i love what i do. but i just hate the timing. the environment?
is a so so lah. lets be honest, you can't have both right?
it's either your job is making you want to leave it or your colleagues/bosses.

me? i quit because i hate working shift hours. main reason at first.
the first few years was such an experience to me.
it was kinda fun. to be different from others time. it really does if you wonder?
my shift was a rotating 12hours base. so its either the whole day
or the whole night. and of cause its on one of your weekend too.

i took the job at first is because i was so jobless and getting fed up when people
around me keep asking the same *bleeping* question. ooops! i should not curse right?
haha. even my husband who was then my boyfriend too is asking the same.
plus its kinda embarrassing too when you are meeting all your friends
who at that time with a job already. so when you sitting in a table with them
all what they can chat is about new things at work. well who can blame them?
i would pretty sure will do the same.

another reason i quit my job is that my husband got the opportunity to work here
in my hometown in Seremban. which where currently we resided in now.
its like a dream come true for me. to quit my ridiculous not happy work timing
and to be back in Seremban. we had that talk actually. where i kept asking my husband
if can just quit my job, looking after our kids and leisuring around at home.

but human will never be satisfied right? there will always that feeling non content
surf up in their heart. same with mine. to be honest, so many times i will
feel not content, useless or feeling really disable just because i am not making my
own cash. even a single cent. i miss those time where i can shops online
casually without having to think whether my money is insufficient or otherwise.

it's not that i hate being a sahm now. but some words from another people
can really hurt me now. even from the people i love. the one who is closest to me.
it is true then, money is everything. it's brings happiness. sadness. sorrows.and what not?
just like i read somewhere saying that if money can't buy happiness
please transfer it to my bank account. haha. seriously guys? do you really think
that money can't buy happiness? it can if we are living in a jungle.
where you doesn't need to buy food, clothes, etc.

i always wonder, what it would be like if i am still working. i mean the shift hours.
maybe i should be looking for a job now. so that i can feel something again.
but do i really need to? if you have a choice, which one would you pick?
to be a working mom or a stay at home mom?

there are pros and cons. of cause right? to me i love being a sahm.
to watch and take care of my son is what i cherish the most. i get to see and be with him
every seconds of my life. and his life. i don't have to left him for work with a lots
amount of anxiety whether he will be in a good hands or otherwise.
to watch him do everything that a baby will do for the first time of his life
is a money can't buy experience to me. everything about him is everything to me.
to me he is my life and to him i was his life. we depends on each other way too much.
just the thought of losing him will be my own worst nightmare.

the other side of it is that i don't get the me alone time. ie i can't use the restroom in peace.
i can't eat without choking my food. or i can't even read a book. let alone writing this post.
that was when he is still a baby lah. now that he is a year and a half, i can say that
he can finally let go of me slowly. which i kinda hate it. its like he is big now
and doesn't need me. i know that it will come to the point where he will be embarrassed
to be seen with me. that one fine day he might want to hang around with his friend.
and i have to let him. but would it be hard to me? to let him grow up?
ahhh i can't shake the feelings of him growing up. just like i am. being a mom and
he being a dad. haha. deng! what is wrong with me? do every mom feels that way?

so, i am in between. there are parts of me that i am so glad i quit my job
and another part kinda regret it. so if you have to choose,
which one it will be? a sahm or a working mom?

answer with careful thoughts! haha :P

27th June 2014

how many dates does someone easily or always remember it by?
i have a lot! and i surely remember it always. insyaAllah! :)as per the title, 
this date is so so important to me as two magical incident happened that day!

the 1st magical incident happened that day was the birth of my bestfriend.
who was then my boyfriend and now, currently i am so proud to say is my Husband!
i 1st met him back when we were studying in the same university.
but of course with different course, college and faculty. 
thanks to my classmate if its not for him i guess i'd be married to somebody else.
hehe we knew as friend for 3 years, a couple for 5 years and married for 2 years. approximately.

the 2nd magical and majestic incident happened on the same day was 
the day i found out that i was pregnant with my son :)
i was late for my cycle for only one week but since it is my husband's birthday
i thought i will just try to see if i am actually pregnant and if i did 
it will be the best gift/present to him. to surprise him with the news
and who knows, after taking the UPT, the second line emerged! 
i was so unbelievable, but only Allah knows how i want to be pregnant that time.

so i gave the UPT with the two lines to my husband. 
he said 'whats this?pregnant ke x?'haha boys will be boys. 
i said 'yelah. positive but we have to check a few weeks after just to be sure'
the look on his face was actually priceless. it was mixed with emotional
but i said to him to not be that excited just yet since the colour was so dull 
i guess the hCG level in my body at that time was still low
a few weeks later, besides of me taking the UPT for like 2-3 times
we visited the gynae and did the ultrasound and we can see you baby~ 
he was just so little. we can only see the kantung. just as what the gynae told us

welcome to the world love! its been a year and a half now. 
lets make it beautiful together ok? ayah and ibu loves you so much! :) 
thank you Allah for this beautiful gifts! syukran ya Allah~ :X

wake me up when September ends!

oh maa gad! its been 5 months already. my new resolution to write more post
really didnt work out!oh my! haha honestly i guess i am really a mom now!

the only time i mean ME time i have is to bath but just if my husband is around.
otherwise i have to take a bath along with my son or he will be watching me outside.
if i close the door confirm he will cry hard. haha that is how clingy my son is

but i do believe that some baby out there are the same behaviour with my son.
in spite of it all, i love him! so much!
so grateful to Allah for giving him to me. to our life!
to me n my husband! we do treasure him so much.

next topic that i will share with u guys is either the process of giving birth to him
or meals i prepared for him or maybe both! haha
but that is ONLY i have more time alone. ME time!
whether he is asleep or busy playing with his cousins
but usually its a hard to find time. ME time! haha

just see the dates of my post. from April to September
if i got extra time usually is when my husband is home
or im cooking. or laundrying or bringing him outside
playing or strolling around or even window shopping
hehehe

so lets see the next date is when! is it next day next month or next year?
haha insyaAllah will find time. *like anyone is reading my blog* :P

sayonara minna san! (=

tiada rezeki!

bangun awal pagi tadi, nak masukkan kain dalam washing machine.
sebelah washing machine ada deep freezer. it belongs to my dad.he uses it to store his fish.not to story all that.

i pinjam a bit of the space freezing my ebm (express breast milk)
should last until June. tapi bangun pagi tadi nk on plug washing machine,
tengok2 plug freezer tu off!!!

huwaa. hati dah sedih dah sebab tau ayah datang mesti petang2 so meaning
freezer tu da off almost 12-13 hours. memang takde rezekilaa el susu tu for you.
though he pun takdelaa suke sangat nak minum through bottle but still.

sedih betul rasenye. but kene redha tapi tu lah. sedih. teringat nak pump tu bukanlah senang
dengan si el menanges sebab dia nak berdukung aja. cerita pasal breasfeeding ni.
let me story as a first time mom and first time i decided to breastfeed my son.

masa kerja mula2 tak pernah langsung terifkir nak breastfeed sebab rasa macam its too troublesome.
but since dapat encouragement from my sis yang masa tu sama2 pregnant but her son tua my son 5months old in different year, i was motivated jugak. start beli pump sama brand dengan my sis nye.

my keturunannya baby memang jenis yang kuat nanges. haha. u guys maybe think like
'alah nanges aje, xkanlaa its that bad' but seriously you guys. kuat menanges here means really kuat nanges. you guys can be shocked laa tengok macam mana our baby nanges.

ade this one time i bring my son to my relative beraya. one of them said 'susu badan ke? oh patutlah melekap semacam and tak nak kat orang' haha betul ke baby breastfeed ni clingy semacam?
ke it runs only in my family?

clingy here meaning memang taknak kat orang lain. masa he still baby arouund 3-7 months cmtu memang taknak langsung kat orang lain except me, myself and i. haha. not even his ayah ok!
my husband ada gak merajuk sekali sekala. bab menanges tu, if biarkan boleh berlarutan sampai sejam lebih. so that is what one of the clingy meaning in my familynye genes.

another part is tak boleh letak. 24 jam if boleh asyek nak berdukung aja. dah boleh jalan ke merangak ke kan. still he asyek nak berdukung aja. dah dukung tu satu hal. tapi nak berjalan. ulangalik umah makngah. dukung dalam umah dah bosan so pegi umah makngah. sampai sana dah jalan2 kt dalam umah tu. main baldi ke besen ke cawan ke then he nanges lagi. so balik umah. then tak sampai bape minit, nanges balik. and the cycles repeat guys.

another part lagi time nak masak his food or for family. haa time tulah dia nk dukung.
selagi tak pick him up selagi tu dia nanges. nanges macam kena dera, or macam baru jatuh teruk.
like yesterday, my sis sebelah umah lastly datang sebab dengar him cry macam kena pukul
haha. see u el! making ibu looks bad. mesti orang kata dera anak.

susah tu is yes but takda lah tak bersyukur. cuma some people wont understand the situation.
sebab maybe that certain people tak pernah jumpa kot baby macam ni. i mean kuat nanges and taknak kat orang to this extend. to those people who are related to me yang terasa mintak maaflah ye.
you can say whatever you like or think whatever you want but if he masa baby pun kat his ayah he tak nak so what more can you say kan.

so ada tak korang share the same experience as i do? btw, my son now is 13mo and still clingy to me.
no signs of changing la. just that when he started to crawl, he dah nak kat his ayah. and now macam dah tak boleh nampak. if pergi kerja ke,ternampak confirm fikir akan ikut sekali. kadang2 i pulak yang kecik hati. haha. baru faham perasaan my husband masa si el tak nak dengan dia dulu.

be whatever or sekuat mana dia nak nanges pun, i'm really grateful to Allah. bercerita sekadar berkongsi or just to make some people understand if we turn down every invitation to event ke kenduri ke. sebab nanti mengganggu suasana. so harap faham ye.

wah dari cite ebm rosak kena buang to breastfeed to baby clingy kuat nanges! hahaah hope some of u guys can share gak if ada baby like mine. sedara mara selalu cakap keturunan kitorang keturunan kuat nanges. haha. i'm not offended sebab some of them pun ada yang shares same baby behaviour macam tu.

ok last but not least, here is the pic ebm yang kena buang tu. hari ini disebabkan takde mood and sedih, i taknak masak. makan luar ye dinner nanti. hehehe

till we meet again. peace, i'm out! =)

a new me!

just now i finally has the chance to write a new entry~
phew! i am so tired. its 11.30pm and still so much i wanna do.
like vacuuming the house, clean the toilet, fold the laundry, etc~
but since i'm a mommy now, i can't do that all when my son is up.

yes. this is a new me. i'm a mom! honestly sometimes i couldn't believe it myself. haha.
i have to laugh at that. my son is gonna be 13 mo this sunday.
he just turned 1! it is that many. i'm a proud mom.

for now let me just tell me the intro to all of that. i met my husband in college.
at 1st we weren't that close. he never say a word to me. just a casual hi or smile.
haha. we start to go on a date around may 2009. the same year in june, we decided to take the relationship to the next step.

we decided to actually get married by 2013. since my dad just had his bypass surgery
we had to delay it to the april next year. we got married on 26th of april 2014 dengan sekali lafaz.
it was a lovely ceremony. it was meant to be simple as we do not want our money go to waste.

on june, as a joke since i missed my period for only 1 week, i bought a upt.
i'm planning to surprise my husband on his birthday. and that was on 27th june.
and it turned out positive! no wonder my appetite went up like crazy. easily feel so tired.
Alhamdulillah since we were sort of really want to have a baby stat!

he was born on 3rd of march 2015. he just turned 1! i think for now that's all i'm gonna share the memories. will update more soon!

he is asleep now. but he could easily wake up and walk by himself to find me in the living room.
while crying of cause! haha. he's one clingy boy. and one who likes to cry a lot. kuat angesh~!
okey readers (if any hahaha) will continue later. good night!

peace world. i'm out~

a new me, a new life and a new journey!

just as per title, i have my whole life turning 360 degrees for me.

i am gonna write about it in another post. 

and that of cause if i can find the time.

i used to write post on what i felt, what i like, or some of you may find it gibberish.

so i tell to myself i'm still gonna write about what i like, great movies i just watched

but i will try not to use this page as to express what i'm feeling whenever i am mad or sad or frustrated with someone.

so, excuse me guys (whoever or anyone who is actually reading this) i have to cook.

will try to start a new post soon! or tomorrow. or maybe the day after tomorrow.

hahaha

peace, i'm out! (=